The Life and Lies of Bellatrix Black
by Gryffindor's Goddess
Summary: Bellatrix wasn't always the nutcase we know her to be. She was once smart, funny, and of course, in love. Unfortunately, not everybody gets a happy ending. This couple is one of them. Bellatrix pre-series in her last two years of sanity
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. By the way, am I the only one who actually reads almost every disclaimer? Most likely, yes. **

The Life and Lies of

_Bellatrix Black_

I'd never given this day much thought. Then again, I doubt one often wonders about the day to decide if one wishes to proceed to whatever form of afterlife they might have, or stays behind to roam the earth as a ghost.

I admit my chances of being a part of an enjoyable afterlife are slim. I don't have the best track recored. I can explain that though! I was deranged for the last two decades of my life! Wow, four hours ago when Molly Weasly killed me, I would never have thought that phrase. I guess when you're dead, something readjusts. Memories start clicking together. Whatever problem I developed is apparently fixed. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing, well pretending to be writing, this would I? You see, I need someway to gather my thoughts. To reflect. Before I decide if I want to haunt the people who helped destroy my life, or if I want to attempt going on and finding the one person who could have made it, I think I'll have a nice round of way overdue, self exploration.

I'm not going to lie and say I started off life as a saint, but in my school years I defiantly had higher moral values. I would never have tortured and murdered as I did in my later years. Not that I would have needed to. Bellatrix Black was carefree, happy smart and most importantly, I was gorgeous. My favorite thing about myself was my raven black hair that fell in ringlets down my back. No one else in my family had my curls, not even my blonde beauty of a sister Narcissa. She was my one true rival. She was prettier than me, and I hated her for it. It was if she could have have the whole world rapped around one of her slim fingers with her stunning smile -but I'm getting off track. This story isn't about _her_.

Being a pretty girl and a part of one of the last and longest pure-blood families I, of course, thought myself superior. But just a little. Being a true believer and follower of tradition, I was thrilled to be sorted in Slytherin. And for years my house suited my just fine.

*****

"Bella! Let's go!"

"Come on!"

" Hurry up!"

I laughed as I ran to catch up with my friends. It was a warm March day and the breeze sent my curls flying as I raced through the courtyard.

"I don't understand why Ravenclaw girls find lessons so _terribly_ important." I say whisper to a passing fourth year boy just loud enough for Eliza to hear.

"Well, not all of us have a trust fund waiting for us when we graduate!" Eliza snaps.

"Touche." I smile. Eliza says nothing. Money is a sensitive area. Eliza's father once was extremely wealthy. Until one night, he got drunk and bet almost all his money on the Chuddley Cannons game. Needless to say, the next day he woke up broke, homeless, and to top it all off the witch he had met the previous night was now carrying his unborn child.

"Oh lighten up Eliza!" Still nothing. "Besides we don't graduate until next year! We all know you'll finish top of the class, go on to be Minister of Magic, and all that stuff. Right Rosaline?"

"No doubt!"

I loop my arm through my two friends arms. "Now that that's over with, we have much more important things to discuss." I say as I push through the a set of double doors. "I heard that-"

"Gossiping is an awful habit, Bellatrix." Came a mocking voice from behind me.

"I thought I told you to never talk to me in public!" I hiss to the boy.

"Oh come now,that's no way to talk to your," Sirius raises his voice for all to hear, "favorite cousin!"

I cringe. It's no secret that me and Sirius are related, but I hate being reminded. Not to mention how much I hate_ other people_ being reminded. "Go away!" I demand.

"I'm just walking to my, I'm sorry_ our,_ fifth class." He smiles innocently.

"Hi Sirius!" Eliza beams. Sirius smirks, I hear his friends giggle. It's so obvious the red-head has a crush on Sirius. It disgusts me, if I wasn't so busy being mad at Sirius I would pity poor Eliza and her awful tastes.

"She doesn't want me to leave." This causes more laughter from the group of boys behind him, and for Eliza to blush.

"Come on Sirius, leave the girls alone." James Potter smirked. "They're not good looking enough to be bothered with."

Whether James had been told that my vanity was a weak spot by Sirius, of if it was a coincidence, I don't know. Whichever one it doesn't matter, I pull out my wand ready to make sure he doesn't leave the Hospital Wing for months when the bell rings. I sigh as Eliza takes off running and the rest of the group slowly dissolves, moving on to other activities.

I follow my friends to Charms not caring about being late, but planning my revenge on the boy whose words had hit me like a slap. Whether he meant for them to or not.

*****

That was a pretty typical event. I would fight with my cousin, or one of his annoying friends. Of course, if you know my life, my dear imaginary reader, you are probably surprised to find that in my school days, I had normal friends ( though they were all pureblood). I wasn't a cruel person, and though it may have been a little crooked, my moral compass pointed North.

It wasn't long after this event, that the cause of my life's downward spiral started to appear in my life. And no it wasn't drugs, which seams to be the downfall of many characters in muggle stories. Nor was it a excessive drinking, or any of that matter. It was a boy. A boy by the name of Benjy Fenwick.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: If it was mine, Fluffy would have been the main character of the first book. Oh well, not everything can be perfect. **

I don't remember the first time I saw Benjy, but I do recall the first time we spoke. Herbology was one of my worst, and least favorite, subjects. I didn't understand why I needed to learn how to take care of some stupid plant. To my disappointment, we we're to be given a long term assignment. I always did awful at these, I'm just not good with plants. To make matters worse I was to work with Benjy and Sirius.

I had never had a conversation with Benjy, but being somewhat close to my cousin, I had already predicted what I was going to have to deal with.

*****

"Please!"

"No."

"Pleeeeeease!

"No!"

"But I-"

"Miss. Black, no is my final answer. There are no partner switches!"

I sigh as I walk as slowly as possible back over to my two new partners.

"You're still my partner?" Sirius asks.

I nod.

"I hate my life."

"I hate your life too. It would be much nicer without you around." Sirius rolls his eyes and says something about getting more gloves.

"Aren't you guys family? Shouldn't you love each other?"

I stare at the boy as if he was some new species. "Have you _met _my cousin?"

"We share a dorm."

"Then shouldn't you know? There is no loving him. It's impossible."

"He's nice enough. Besides you might need him one day."

"Me need him? He'll be the death of me."

Benjy laughs. "As if anyone would murder their own cousin!"

I shrug and change the topic. "Do you know what you're doing with this?" I ask gesturing to the potted plant beside me. "Because I..."

"Plants not your forte?"

"Exactly."

"No problem. I've got it under control." Benjy worked on the plant, watering it, changing pots, moving into various shades of sunlight, and made light small talk. I studied his features as he worked. He had dark tan skin, olive green eyes, and floppy dirty-blonde hair. it was an odd mix, but added up nicely.

Sirius came over and stood beside me. "At least I have one good partner." He noticed as he watched Benjy work.

"I'm beginning to like that guy."

Sirius shot me a curious glance. "He's in Gryffindor."

"He's doing my Herbology."

"He's- never mind."

"What?"

"Never mind." Sirius insists.

"You can be so weird." No answer.

"You should-" But Sirius stops. "Never mind."

"Come on!" I plead. "What? Tell me!"

Sirius stares at the ground. "I like that you're talking to him You should get to know him. I like him more than your current friends. They're all from...odd families. I don't want you involved in that." I stare in disbelief. "Except for Eliza" He adds after thought. "Apart with being obsessed with yours truly, she seams to be a normal person. And a good one."

"Since when do you care?" It sounds rude, but it is truly a question. Sirius has never taken any part of life besides being the annoying rebel cousin. This new act of sincerity throws me off balance, something I've never been able to handle.

"Just trust me."

"I've never trusted you."

"Maybe you should start."

*****

I wish I could go back to that moment. I wish I could take back my response, and start to befriend my cousin. Perhaps, no actually, I _know_ my life would have been different. It would have better. But I can't. I can't change what I said, or the effect it had on my life.

*****

"Maybe you should shove it up your ass and let me live my own life."

*****

Sirius must have taken that to heart, because he did. He never spoke to me again, unless he had to. He stopped teasing me and my friends. He stopped caring, not that his time being the thoughtful family member had lasted more than a few minutes. But something was different. Though I didn't know it at the time, Sirius had meant what he said. He had extended a hand of friendship and I had slapped it away. I could go on for hours about how much I wish I had taken him seriously( don't even start I know what you're thinking) and how much I wish we had gotten closer, but that opportunity passed.

**AN:Thank you sooo much for reading! This story covers the untold life of Bellatrix, a character that who always intrigued me, though admit, I did cheer at her death. I'll try to update regularly!! If I start to slack send me an email and I promise I'll pick right back up again! Reviews are more than welcome( hint hint)!! **

**Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters J.K does....man she's lucky!**

**Also, before I begin I want you to know the Black's ages are going to be a little different. It makes me sad that the story doesn't add up perfectly with the series :-( Sirius and Bellatrix are the same age. Narcissa will be a year older. I know this is very wrong, and I'm extremely sorry for that! I didn't know the actual ages until today, it makes me feel pretty bad. I hope this doesn't disgruntle anyone, I completely understand if it does! **

Sirius' advice about Benjy had the opposite effect than intended. The days after that, I avoided him as Snape did Potter. At sixteen I was determined to show the world I was mature and independent. I was one of the smartest girls in the school! I thought for sure I, of all people, would be a wise chooser of friends! Oh, how wrong I was.

*****

"I wish she'd get over herself." I say as my bimbo sister sits wailing in the corner of the common room. "Doesn't she understand nobody cares?"

"Obviously people do." Rosaline motions to the crowd of people surrounding Narcissa. "You should have more sympathy, breakups are hard."

I slam my fist on the arm of my black leather chair. "For Christ's sake! _She _broke up with _him_!"

"Don't take your sibling angst out on me! I'm going to go see if she's okay."

Rosaline puts on a look of what I know to be fake concern. She runs to my sisters side and and just_ has_ to know what's wrong.

I don't know which act disgusts me more, my sister's "depressed and heart broken" or Rosaline's "caring and sympathetic friend". My upper lip curls up in anger. It's quite an unattractive habit I have. It's dated back for as long as I can remember, and every time I do it Mother throws a fit. It's one of her many, many, pet peeves.

Sick of watching my friend suck up to my sister, I decide to relocate to the library. And after climbing staircase, after staircase, I truly regret Slytherin's decision of a dungeon for his choice of living accommodations. I have a theory that if we were closer to the library, or had some sort of passage way, everyone would visit the library more often, study more, therefore earning higher marks. I even wrote a paper about it and sent it to Professor Dumbledore! Unfortunately, the owl I used to send it must have been a slacker, because I never heard back from him. Then again every time I try to bring it up he _does_ suddenly change the topic to chocolate frogs...

"Haven't seen you in a while."

I gasp and nerves fill my stomach. "Benjy!"

He smiles. "Bellatrix!" His smile turns quickly into a frighting scowl. "You've been avoiding me."

I laugh, but it comes out shaky. "That's ridiculous! I would never-"

Benjy laughs. "I'm just messing with you, Bella."

I relax a little, but my stomach still feels tingly and my head empty and light.

"So, uh, what are you doing here?" I ask. I feel like such a loser, I'm normally great with guys! What makes him different?

"Trying to figure out how to keep that damn plant alive. I've tried everything that's in our book, but it still isn't the required two feet."

"I'm sorry, I could be a little more help with that." I admit. "I'll help you if you want." Did I really just offer to stay here, _with him? _

Benjy shrugs. "I told you, I've got it covered, it's one plant. I can manage." Was that a polite way of saying, _get lost moron_? Maybe not, but I shouldn't take my chances.

"If you insist. I guess I'll see you later." I turn to walk out of the library, my face red and blotchy from embarrassment when Benjy calls my name.

"You just got here! I mean, you must have had a reason for coming. We can sit together, you know, if you want..."

Yes! Wait, why yes? And why the excitement? I understand the humiliation of a reject, but the joy of an invitation? He's in Gryffindor! Most likely, he's a clone of Sirius or James. Though many thoughts such as these run through my brain, begging me to just leave already, my mouth opens and says, "Sure! What table?"

Benjy searched through piles of books, occasionally jotting a possible solution on a scrap of parchment, and I worked on my Defense Against the Dark Arts homework. We talked a little here and there, but mostly we worked in silence. As dinner grew nearer, and my stomach grew louder, we decided we had worked enough for one night.

"Same time next week?" Benjy asks almost shyly, a change for the usually outgoing boy. "I was hoping you could help me with Charms, I know you're good at that and was hoping, maybe, if you had time-"

"I owe you for Herbology, remember ?"

"Speaking of Herbology, I think I should be reworded. I did just spend an hour on our project."

His eyes are playful, and when his dirty blond hair droops around his eyes, it almost reminds me of a playful puppy. Hmm, I'vealways like dogs. Well, Sort of.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask back, equally as playful.

Benjy rolls his shoulders back, and pretends to stroke a beard. "How about an awesome nickname?"

I've been asked to reward guys before, but their answers are usually different from that. "A nickname?" Benjy nods. "What do you have in mind?" I ask as we pack our books into our bags.

"Something catchy and easy to remember."

"Such as?"

Benjy puffs out his chest. "Herbology Hero."

I think an entire minute passes by before his response sinks in and I'm doubled over in laughter. "I wouldn't be caught dead calling _anybody_ that!"

Luckily Benjy is laughing too. "Oh well, it was worth a shot."

I shake my head. "Herbology Hero....the very idea." By the time our laughter has died down we're already at the doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Benjy calls over his shoulder. "And hey, I still want my nickname!"

Smiling, I exit the library and walk towards the great hall.

I start to take my usual seat next to Rosaline, when I realize it's already been filled.

"Uh, hello?"

Narcissa spins around, smacking me with her hair.

"Oh, hello Bella. Um, are you going to sit with us tonight?" She talks to me as if I'm eight years old, which she knows I hate.

I raise an eyebrow at Rosaline, who returns it with a small guilty smile. If you've never been ditched twice in one day by your friend, and for your sister, let me tell you, it sucks.

"Actually, I just was..." Oh, crap. I was just what? "I was just...looking for Lily!"

"What?" Both my Narcissa and Rosaline ask, shocked. Both girls know I find the know-it-all Lily Evans insufferable.

I grab the back of Evans' robes. "She was about to help me with potions! Right, Lily?" I silently beg her to play along.

I thinks a little before nodding. "Yeah, let's go."

When we're safely out of range, I don't hesitate to thank Lily.

"No big deal. I needed to get out of there anyway. You have no idea how annoying James Potter is."

"Actually, I've had a fair dosage of Potter and his friends." I still haven't forgotten his comment from last Tuesday.

"What I wouldn't give to get back at him." Lily and I say in unison.

We both stare at each other for a minute then a sly smile, one I had never seen before, comes across Lily's face. Before I no it, I'm wearing a similar expression.

*****

I know what you're thinking. No way, nope, this is bull! But rest assure, everything I'm putting in my little auto-biography is the truth. The future Mrs. Potter and I formed a sort of a secret alliance. We both felt a strong desire to crush James Potter, but needed a little outside help to do it.

Lily Evans is another person who changed my teenage years, but there is something I need to make something clear. Lily Evans and I were not friends. Though we could almost be considered acquaintances outside of our normal lives, we were still in two rival houses. I also did slightly look down on her for being a muggle born. Yet, we shared a common goal. To get revenge on James Potter, and no matter different we thought we were, our task had to be done. With my torn vanity, and Lily's hot-bloodedness, we_ had _to succeed.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I know Bellatrix having anything to do with Lily seems unrealistic, but as Bella says, they were under no circumstances "friends". I also want to thank a boy, who will remain nameless, for inspiring part of this chapter. A while back, he was assigned to play the claves( a pair of sticks that you bang together to make a sort of clicking noise for those of you who didn't have to suffer through the tortures of a band class). He took his role very seriously. During the pep rally, much to the band directors dismay, he danced in front of the band while playing his claves. He has insisted on being called "Clave Hero" ever since. Thanks again for everyone who did something such as put this story on alert! Especially my two reviewers!!! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The only things that's mine is the plot. Any thing else in the property of Jo! **

Of all the horrific deeds I preformed if my adult life, the one that I regret the most now may surprise you. Why did I marry Rodolphus Lestrange? I know I didn't love him. As an adult I hardly cared for anyone, let alone him. It must have been because of his blood, or maybe his money. What stupid reasons to marry. What if I would have gotten pregnant? Can you imagine how messed up that child would have been? Actually, it probably would have been dead. I didn't want children during my twisted ages. I thought they were a waste of time. I most likely would have had it killed-wait no! I instantly would have giving it over to the Dark Lord, so he could raise it as his own little minion. Yes, that sounds like something I would have done.

All right, enough about that part of my life. I'm trying to tell the other, more important part.

*****

"Eliza, your going to Hogsmade tomorrow, aren't you?"

"I never miss a trip."

"Good! Let's go together!" I say, purposely ignoring Rosaline, as I have been since she left me for my sister. "It'll be so fun!" Exaggerating what will probably be a normal trip to the village.

"Bella! I already told you, I was just feeling sorry for her!" Rosaline whined. "Drop it already!"

"Hm? Oh, so sorry. Must have forgotten you were here."

"Stop being so immature!"

"You were the on who-"

"Stop it already!" Eliza cried. "Your both acting like nine year olds."

I say nothing but slouch down against the tree I'm leaning on.

"Whatever." Rosaline continues to people watch. "Where did you go yesterday, anyway? You were gone for hours."

"The library." Do I tell them about Benjy and risk breaking the natural laws of Slytherin society? I think not.

"For that long?" Rosaline asks suspiciously.

"I had a lot of homework. Maybe if you weren't so busy kissing Narcissa's ass, we could of done something fun!" I snap.

Rosaline simply rolls her eyes.

"I have to go." I realize as I see Eliza's watch. "I've got stuff I have to do."

I leave before either of my friends can ask where I'm going. If they knew I was going to meet Lily Evans I think they might roast me alive.

Eliza doesn't care about Lily being a muggle born and in Gryffindor, but she views Lily as her academic rival. If the feeling is returned has yet to be discovered.

"There you are! God, I thought you weren't coming!" Lily huffs as I enter the abandoned class room.

"Calm down, I'm only eight minutes late." I say as I plop down on one of the desks.

"Only?" Lily sighs impatiently. "Never mind that, we have work to do."

"I agree, the matter on hand is much more important than my timing."

While Lily pulls out a list, a very long list I might add, of ideas she asks, "Why do you want revenge. I hardly ever see him talking to you."

"How about this, you don't ask me, I won't ask you." I twirl a ringlet around my finger. "Fair enough?"

Lily shrugs. "Sure."

I have to admit, for goody goody suck up, Lily's ideas are pretty good. Once we finally decide on a plan, Lily is so giddy, she can't stop giggling. It's rather disturbing. I have to admit, I'm excited myself. Pranks have always been Sirius' thing, therefore off limits to me.

After vowing silence, we turn our separate ways. Our meeting took less than an hour, so I return to my friends by the lake.

"There you are!" Eliza smiles as I sit by her. "I invited Rosaline on our trip to Hogsmade." Both girls wait for my reaction. I'm such a good mood now that I have my plan for revenge down, that fighting with Rosaline seems silly.

"Great! So where are we going first?" Rosaline smiles and loops her arm through mine.

"We definitely have to go to Gladrags first! I hear their new collection is _amazing!" _Rosaline gushes about the new fashions that will be introduced.

I smile contently, glad to be done fighting with my friend.

Just as Rosaline promised, Gladrags Wizardwear was filled to the brim with new robes, wand holders, hats, and just about anything else a witch could possibly need for her wardrobe. Once all three of us( even Eliza bended at the sight of the new merchandise) had arms loaded with clothes, we decided we should leave before we end up drying our bank accounts.

Thanks to Eliza's feather-weight charm, carrying our multiple bags down the road was no problem. Our next stop was the Three Broomsticks.

We crammed in a booth with a few other students our age. Most of them were Slytherins, but I think I there are a few Ravenclaw boys mixed in.

We order the usual butterbeers, and for about half an hour everything went smoothly.

The normal sound of the clanging bells is heard, and I think nothing of it. People are always coming in and out of the pub.

"I really do hate those prats." Maria Zabini hisses.

I turn my head and nearly choke on my drink as I see who's entering.

Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, Frank, and Benjy. Practically all of the sixth year Gryffindor boys. I turn my head to the side and pray he passes without noticing me.

The rest of the hour passes painfully slow. I tense at each sound I hear from the Gryffindor Boys' table. When it's finally time to leave I try to hurry past.

"Hey Bella!" A voice calls from behind me.

I freeze and my shoulders start to tense. I give Benjy a quick smile and "hi" and walk quickly out the door before Benjy finished saying whatever came next.

My friends stared at me as if I had just had a seizure.

"So, was that a friend of yours?" Katy Parkinson asks, the question on everyone's mind.

"What? Him? Of course not! Thats-"

"Glad to know."

I spin around, and of course Benjy, along with the rest of his friends, are standing right behind me. I hear my friends try to cover laughter as he turns and walk the other way, his friends on his heels. Sirius turns and gives me a cold glare before saying something to Benjy, who only shrugs and keeps walking.

"Good thing that's over with!" Rosaline shakes her head. "I don't know what gets into people's heads." The other Slytherins nod and continue to torment me with questions of Benjy. I lock eyes with Eliza, who crinkles her brow and tips her head to the side. I give her a nod, signaling that I'll explain everything when the others are gone.

*****

That's by far one of my worst memories. Until now, having all these deaths on my conscious, I had never felt so guilty in my life. To this day, I cringe at the memory.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: If the story was mine, Sirius would have leaped back from behind the veil and laughed in all the Deatheaters faces. Long Live Padfoot. **

*****

I spilled everything to Eliza that night. Thankfully, she was accepting. She told me she thought it was stupid, that just because he's in a separate house I had to despise him. She then went on to tell me how much of a bitch I was to say what I did about him, as if I didn't know that already.

"What am I going to do?" I groan. I rest my head against the soft brown couch.

We have no idea where this room came from, but one night we desperately needed a place to talk and just like magic, this room appeared.

"You could start by apologizing." Eliza advises. I'm glad I decided to tell her. If not, I would be in my dorm trying to look happy as my Slytherin friends went on, and on, and on, about God knows what.

"Yes, that would be the obvious thing to do, it's just-"

"Just what?"

"Never mind."

Eliza sighed. "Don't do this to me Bella. Besides, I know what you're worried about. You obviously like this boy, no don't give me that look, Bella, I know you, but you're afraid of what everybody would say if you started hanging out with a Gryffindor boy. You know all the Slytherins will look down on you, and can't even imagine what your parents would say if you actually started dating this boy. Oh, and you don't want to say it out loud because you don't want to sound shallow. Sound about right?"

I gap at her. "Yeah....I-I guess that sums it all up. Almost. Sort of."

"Well then, what are you going to do?"

"It's not that easy!" I whine. "You're right! I'm worried about what everyone will say! I don't even know if he likes, or liked, me like that! I don't even know if _I_ like him like that! He probably wants nothing to do with me now!" I frown to myself "I know I wouldn't."

Eliza rolls over and looks me straight in the eyes. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go make up with Benjy."

I blink.

"What do you have to lose? He and all other Gryffindors already hate you."

"Well when you put it that way." I say with sarcasm.

"Do you want to be friends(or more) with him or not?"

"Yes! For God's sake, I want to be with Benjy!"

Eliza smiles triumphantly and realize that I just flat out admitted not only to Eliza, but to myself, that I do have a crush on Benjy.

"I knew you'd come around. Now go, dinners probably over by now, you might be able to catch him before he gets into his common room." I nod and run out the door.

I'm not sure what I'm more worried about. Not getting to Benjy, or what actually happens when I meet him. My stomach gets the familiar rush when I feel when I think of seeing him. Or talking to him. Anything that has to do with him, really.

Finding Benjy would be a lot easier if I knew where the Gryffindor dormitories were. You would think that sometime within my six year time frame I would have at least some idea. I stumbled around corridor, after corridor before I spot a blonde girl wearing a red silk ribbon.

"Hey! You , the one with the ribbon!" The girl spins around and I recognized her to be one of the girls that followed around Evans. "I't Dorcas, right?"

The girl nodded.

"Okay, this is going to sound really weird, but I need to get to your common room!"

"You can't come in _our_ common room! You don't see us parading around your dungeon."

"I don't need get inside, I just need to know how to get there." I say a little annoyed. "Please." I add as an afterthought.

"Fine, it's on the seventh floor. Up the staircase, the one to the right. Watch out for the seventh step, it's a trick step, you'll get stuck. Look for the picture of a big woman in a pink dress."

"Thank you so much! I swear I'll return the favor!" I follow Dorcas' directions to the Gryffindor dormitories and arrive just in time to see Benjy and his best friend, Frank Longbottom, climbing through some sort of hole.

"Benjy!"

Benjy turns around, but quickly turns back when he sees it's me.

"Look, I know you're mad, but, please, can we talk?" Though Frank is obviously trying to persuade his friend to leave me and follow him inside( the boy yanking Benjy's arm and yelling, "She's not worth it!", is a big enough hint, thank you) he frowns and says. "You've got five minutes."

Normally, I wouldn't allow myself to be spoken to that way. I would curl up my lip, and walk proudly away. But this time was different, and called for a different reaction.

"Benjy, I'm really sorry. Really, really, sorry. I did consider you a friend, I just-"

"Chose to degrade me in public for sport and pleasure."

"No! No, no, I was just pressured, I guess. My friends aren't very...receiving of Gryffindors. I was just worried about their reaction."

Benjy opened his mouth, but I cut him off.

"And, yes, that was very, very, very,_very_, stupid. I wouldn't do it again. I don't care anymore. I-I really like you, Benjy. A lot. _A lot, _a lot. And I know that's a little crazy, because we've only hung out outside of Herbology once, maybe twice. I guess I just want to ask if you'll forgive me. Please." Okay, on the overboard scale that was about a seven, but I meant every word of it, and it seemed to have done the trick.

"Do you want to take a walk with me? I know it's kind of late, but..."

"Yeah!" I say, enthusiastic to be doing anything in his company. "Where to?"

"This way." Benjy takes my hand and we walk quietly down flights of steps, turn through hallways, and pray to not run into any teachers.

"Where are we going?" I whisper.

Benjy presses his finger to his lip, telling me to be quite.

"Oh, come on,Benjy-"

"Shhh, I promise you'll be fine."

"I wasn't _scared_, I just-"

Benjy places his hand firmly over my mouth. "Bella," He says sternly, "either be quite, or go to bed."

Once again, I find myself being ordered around by this boy, and once again, I do nothing. Is this good or bad? Before I have time to really ponder over this we're standing before two heavy, oak doors.

"We're not going outside are we?"

"I thought you weren't scared." Benjy teases.

I pull my hand out of Benjy's. "I'm not scared!" I insist, "It's-it's just cold."

Benjy rolls his eyes. "Mhhm, yeah." He pulls open the doors and steps outside. "Feels fine to me." He's challenging me, I can tell.

I step outside. "Guess the temperature rose." He grins.

Benjy takes my hand once more and pulls me towards the lake. We walk along the river until it starts to curve, here Benjy motions for me to stop. He scans the area, walks a few more steps, then smiles. "Over here!"

I walk to where Benjy is standing. The land drops off, almost like a cliff, but it's no where near high enough to be dangerous. The small hang over of land, is only a few feet above the shallow water.

"Sit with me." I say. Benjy complies. He takes something resembling a short white stick out of his pocket and lights it with his wand. When I ask what it is he replies, "Nothing you'll ever need to indulge in." He thought a minute. "Nothing _I'll _ever let you indulge in."

I try to press further, but my questions remain unanswered.

I sigh and stare at the water.

"I love water." Benjy muses. "It's soft, in a different way than blankets, but is still warm. It slips right through your hands, like silk. I wish I could live in water..."

I almost laugh, but I realize he serious. "What about the giant squid. He(or she, I've never really figured that out) could cause some trouble."

"True, did you hear what he(or she) did to that one girl?"

"No! What was her name? What happened?"

"The girl, Megan was her name, decided to take a swim one day. The Giant Squid pulled her down and-"

"She drowned?" I gasp.

"Nah, he threw her right back up. While she was coming out of the water, she fell over a rock. She didn't die, but she had a concussion."

I laugh. "She sounds a feather less than a phoenix."

"You could put it that way." Benjy grins.

"I'm really sorry about today. I know I said it before but-"

"Hush." He says. "We've already been over that, alright? It's in the past now."

"I know it's just-"

Benjy leans over and kisses the top of my head. "You want to know how to make it up to me?" He rubs his thumb in circles on my cheek.

I nod.

"You really want to know?" His hand cups my chin. He tilts my head upward and slowly leans in. My heart beats ninety to nothing. My stomach feels as if a box of Dr. Filibusters fireworks is exploding. He's so close I can feel his breathe on my cheek. He kisses my neck until his full lips are next to my ear. I feel myself start to shake.

He leans in even closer, if possible, and whispers, "I want that nickname."

"Benjy!" I shout. I slap his arm and hope it hurts.

He laughs. I most certainly do not.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He apologizes, still laughing. "What did you think I was going to do?" He teases.

"You scared me!"

"Ow! Strong arm for a girl." I smile proudly. "We better go."

"Already? But we just got here."

"We'll hang out together again soon, okay?"

I want to stay, but I know that we've surpassed curfew, and I don't want a detention. "Alright." I agree. "Let's go."

Without letting go of my hand, Benjy stands up. He helps me up, then we walk back to the castle.

Benjy walks me all the way to the Slytherin dungeon. With a quick ,"Bye." and a kiss on top of my head, he jogs down the hall, his dirty blonde hair flopping behind him.

*****

I now realize all of my best memories have Benjy in them. But then again, so do all of my worst. It's funny what people can do to you. They can take you from one extreme to another without even realizing it. Or do they? Do people know when they've effected other humans lives. Do they do it on purpose? Maybe so, or maybe not. Perhaps they just stumble into our lives, their footprints fading into a distant memory. I don't think so, I don't think footprints can ever fade completely. Especially the strong ones. The ones that wake you up in the middle of the night, only so you convince yourself it's nothing, to go back to sleep. And for a while, a lifetime even, that works just fine. But is doesn't matter, you'll have to face it one day. It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but it will come. And when it does, you'll end up doing something crazy like oh, I don't know, pretending to write the story of your life to a bunch of imaginary readers. But hey, what would I know about that subject?

**A/N Thanks for reading! Thank you also, Estelle, for pretty much ruing keeping Clave Hero's name anonymous, but you did review, so it's okay :-D **

**While I'm on the subject please, please, please, please, please, please review!! **

**The next chapter will be up next Wednesday, which I'm making my official update day! Have a great week! **


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If this was mine, I wouldn't be here, or would I? Hmm... No, Id be at my mansion in Naples. *looks around* Okay, that confirms it, no it's not mine.

*****

I decided not to tell Rosaline anything about Benjy. Mainly because I'm not quite sure what's going myself. Are we together now? He didn't ask me, but we held hands, and he kissed me, not on the lips, but still. I can't even describe how nervous I am right now. Today, I have History of Magic with the Gryffindors. In fact, that's where I'm supposed to be right now.

"God, where were you last night?" Rosaline asked, clearly upset. "We always spend Sunday nights together." Yeah, us and all the others in the dorm, talking about things like annoying girls, Slytherin boys, and other topics that after six years, are starting to bore me.

"Sorry, I wasn't feeling well, just went down to the hospital wing for some medicine." I lie. Growing more and more nervous as I step towards my next class.

"It took that long?"

"Uh, yeah. Flue's going around, a ton of people waiting in line. It was awful."

"Oh," Rosaline's shoulders relax. "how awful. I _hate _being around sick people!"

"Doesn't it suck? There was one guy there..."

I spun some tail of a Hufflepuff boy who got trapped in a broom closet with a boggart. He was only eleven. The end results took many, many smoothing potions. Luckily she bought it. Unfortunately, my story takes the rest of the walk to tell.

As Rosaline and I walk through the door(our tardiness going unnoticed, as usual) a rush goes through my stomach. Frank isn't in his usual seat next to Benjy, leaving it open for me. Do I take it? Eliza would know why, but Rosaline would be a problem. God where is Longbottom when you need him? My question is soon answered.

"That guy's on your seat!" Comes Rosaline's voice, purposely loud enough for Frank to hear.

"Oh." I reply, not really sure how to answer. "I guess I'll have to find another." I see the corner's of Frank's mouth turn up slightly.

I take the seat next to Benjy, in the far left corner. Our seats are out of view from not just Rosaline, but all of the other Slytherins in that circle.

Benjy places his hand over mine, it sends a jolt up my spine. I take his hand in mine, but hold them under the table. He spends the rest of the hour playing with my hair, sneaking kisses on my cheek, all without the use of his right hand, which doesn't leave mine. I frown when the bell rings. My perfect class was over.

Eliza gives me smile, telling me she knew exactly how wonderful my hour was. Rosaline slithers between us.

"That class is sooo boring."

"That's why we were happy to have it right after lunch. We would be tired anyway, might as well have class we can sleep through." Eliza reminds Rosaline.

I see Rosaline's eyes narrow slightly. "Wasn't it awful when that boy took your seat."

I shrug. "I guess."

Her expression grown harder. "Did it bother you at all?"

"How old are we, four? Get over it, Rosaline!"

Rosaline throws her silky blonde over her shoulder, and walks towards Maria Zabini. They speak with their heads close, in hushed tones.

"So how _was _your class?"

"Amazing!" I beam. "He's so sweet! It was the best class I've ever had."

"Are you going to go public?"

"Technically, we're not even official. Going public would be skipping a step. But what about you? I haven't had an update in your love life for a while."

"Oh, you know, same 'ole, same 'ole." Which means she's still head over heels for Sirius. Wonderful.

"What about that boy you hung out with in Hogsmade?"

"Oh, him? No, he's just not my type."

"He seemed cool." I persist.

"I don't know, I guess so. I better go, I've got to finish my essay." Eliza turns around, obviously just trying to get out of the conversation.

"Okay, see you later." But she was already gone.

I turn back around and jump.

"Hi." Frank says.

"Um, hello?"

"What's up?"

"Not much...just standing...in the hallway."

"Er, right, well..."

"Well..."

"I figured since you and Benjy are going to be hanging out now, and since you despise all of his other friends, we should be able to tolerate each other."

"I thought I only signed up for one Gryffindorer."

He sighs. "Look, just because he, for some reason finds you attractive, doesn't mean he's going to give up all his friends. He' trying to make it easier on you, by assigning me the job. Would you rather spend your free time with James Potter."

James Potter! Oh, shit! "What time is it?" I ask urgently.

"One-ten, but that doesn't have any thing to do with- Hey! Where are you going?"

"I've got something to do, we'll talk later!"

Lily's going to kill me. I was supposed to be ready right at one. How could I possibly forget? If Lily's timing is correct (which it will be, the girls a genius) then the meatballs Lily had the house elves help her get should be falling right-

"OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK?"

-now.

And there James Potter sat, on the floor covered with meatballs. Lily and I exchange a smile from across the room. Our work here is done.

*****

And thus, my short alliance with Lily Potter, was over. Of course, we spent hours laughing over our revenge afterwords, but the next day came and apart from the awkward smiles when we passed each other in the hall was the only communication shared. But as we both know, I soon come to be one of the people she hated most in the world. Many things are forgotten when murder is involved.

*****

The news that James Potter, for the first time ever, had been pranked backed, spread like wild fire. There was only one question on the student body's mind.

Who pulled the prank?

The only two people who knew the answer were sworn to secrecy. That didn't stop the rumors. The one most believed was that Severus Snape had finally gotten _his _revenge. These rumors had made the last week a living hell for the boy. James wouldn't rest until he made Severus cower in the corner when he entered the room,which he already almost did. But I have bigger things than the guilt of ruining Snape's life to think about.

"I think Frank wants to talk to you." Eliza noticed. Due to the three paper balls thrown, five shouts of my name, and Frank waving his arms in the air trying to get me to pay attention to him, I was well aware of this.

"Oh, well." I say, causing Eliza to roll he eyes.

"See you later." She says gathering up her books.

"Where are you going?" I ask in worry.

"I'm making room for you to talk to Frank." Eliza replies, now pushing in her vacated chair in.

"Why don't you talk to him if it matters so much?" I cry.

"I already have."

Then Eliza leaves the only other chair at the library's smallest table open for anyone to take. And, surprise, surprise, Frank takes it.

"It' about time. I've been trying to get your attention for an hour."

"Really? I didn't notice."

"Of course not."

"Is there something I can help you with, or are you just wasting my time for the fun of it?"

"The latter."

"What the-"

"I was kidding, like I was telling you," Frank's voice gains a harder edge to it. "a week ago, we're supposed to become friends."

"Right."

"You know, you're the only on whose not going along with this. And considering this is for you and your little lovefest with my best mate, I think you should at least try to make it easier."

"Lovefest? Please! We're not even official, yet."

I can't help but to sound as if I'm pleading.

"Well, Benjy wants to keep it as slow as possible."

"Why? And how slow?" I wine.

"Because of the war. He doesn't want to rush like everyone else is and make a mistake."

"He thinks I'm a mistake?" Now we're bonding.

"No, he just-well, I can't tell you."

"What? No, you have to tell me!" I beg.

"No."

"I thought we're supposed to be becoming friends! Friends always tell!"

"Fine then. He wants to make sure he's what you really deserve. I know, I don't get it either."

Ignoring Frank's jibe. I frown. "That really doesn't make since."

"That's what I said."

To Frank's surprise, I nod in agreement. "He's a way better person than I am."

Frank shrugs. "I guess not in his eyes. Benjy tends to see things...differently."

I stand without saying good-bye to my new "friend", I'm too lost in thought to think about him. As amazing as Benjy is, there's got to be something wrong. Who could possibly compare us, with him coming out on the moral scale? He's got to be hiding something from me. How else could he possibly see _me_ as the better person?

**A/N I'm so sorry! I took a week extra to update! I guess having an actual social life cuts into my writing time :-( That, and the desperate need to bring uo my grades. But, I'm done making you listen to my lame excuses. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! Good, bad, I don't care! Just feedback would be lovely!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Not mine. As usual. **

"So, how did your talk with Frank go?" Eliza asked, as I sit next to her on our favorite courtyard bench. Being outside, the sun shining brightly on my face, was a much needed relief to the stuffy library.

"It was a talk with Frank, how do you think it went?" I ask her, it accidentally coming out with a slight sneer.

"Oh, God. Quit with the dramatics. What did he say? Or did you not stay long enough for him to get a word across to you."

As much as I wanted to reply wit some sort of comeback, I know I deserved that. "He said that Benjy thinks I'm a better person than he is. How is that even _possible_?"

"Maybe he has some sort of hidden vice you don't know about, I mean you've only really been hanging out for what, a week? How can you _really _know him?" Eliza picks up a flower and twirls it around on it's stem. "You should really figure this out before it comes back to bite you."

"I know." I say. And it's true I really don't know him. I know that he's excellent in Herbology, has blonde hair and green eyes, is in Gryffindor, but that's about it. "Either that, or_ he_ just doesn't now _me_."

******

That was true, but really no one knew me. _I _didn't know me. And for years to come- when I died- I wouldn't. Self discovery is one of the hardest things to do. You can re-invent your self as many times as you want, but let's face it. How many times is that change permanent? You always seem to come back to yourself. Whoever that self may be. I think there are parts of you that you just can't change, no matter how hard you try.

******

"Hey." I say, standing over Benjy, who was laying down in front of the lake, the ever-present white stick hanging out of his mouth.

"Hey, are you going sit?" He asks, gesturing to the open spot of crisp green grass next to him.

"Yeah," I nod. "For a little while."

We say nothing for a few minutes, while I try to figure out how to word what I'm about to say. "So," I pause, then restart "So, is it true, what Frank said?"

"Well," Benjy rolled to face me. "What did Frank say? Though I doubt it's a lie, he rarely tells those." He looks drowsy. His eyes seem a bit hazy, and unfocused.

"Okay, well, he says, that you think _I'm _a better person than _you_? Do you really? I mean, why would you? If you even do."

Benjy took a deep breathe and stared at the sky. "That is not necessarily true."

"Oh." My shoulders slump a little with a disappointment I wasn't aware I would feel at his answer. Did I actually like being tagged as the good guy?

"No!" He says quickly, seeing my expression." Let me explain."

I nod, feeling a bit of relief come through me.

"I don't think any one person can be "better" than another. Everyone has good qualities, and everyone is smarter than one another in some way, but I know what he means when he says that. I believe that you make better choices than I do. And I do. Believe that, I mean."

"You do? But, why? What choices have you made that can be worse than the ones I've made?"

"For starters, I've got you. Not only is it bad for your reputation with your friends, but with You-Know-Who, too. And your family," He glances towards me, looking for signs of offense. "Is not one to play around with. That, and some other things."

I sigh, ignoring the first part. "_What _other things, Benjy, why won't you tell me?"

"Look, it's just some muggle stuff I picked up over break, okay? Its nothing big." Benjy's face softens. "Come on." He says, standing up. "Let's go get something to eat." He casually puts his arm around me, sending chills up my spine. "I'm starving."

"Bellatrix!" My sister scowls as she stands in front of me, her hands on her hips. The little group of followers behind her, all in a similar stance. "_What _were you doing with that- that boy? The Fenwick kid?"

"Nothing." I say, burring my nose even deeper into the letter from my cousin I was reading by the fireplace.

"Nothing? He had his arm around you! Do you even know who he is? I mean, seriously, Bella, he's a _muggleborn. _I can't even imagine what Mother would say! She's going to-"

"Wait!" I tell her, holding up my hand. "Did you say muggleborn?" Oh, no.

"Why, yes, I did." An evil grin starts to spread itself across Narcissa's face. "Surely you would have known that?" She asks in her sugary sweet voice.

I sit in shock, not saying anything. Why didn't anybody tell me? I mean, isn't that a fact worth mentioning?

"I guess not. " She says with a giggle, while her friends follow suit. "I guess we better leave you to think about that. Bye Bella!" She trills, her pack of wannabes following her out up the staircase, triumph oozing from their pores.

Rosaline comes to sit by me as soon as they're gone.

"She's right, you know. You really shouldn't bother with him. There are plenty of other guys out there. Primarily, plenty of purebloods. I heard that-"

I tune Rosaline out as I think about Benjy. Was he worth risking my position on the Black family tree? Was he worth my respect as a Slytherin? Was he worth _anything_?

"Isn't that great?" Rosaline asked, bringing me back into reality.

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"You guess? Bella, he's a seventh year boy! A pureblood seventh year boy, and he likes you! How is that an 'I guess'?"

"Look, I'm just not interested. You want to go see Eliza?"

Rosaline's eyes narrow, a gesture she has been doing more, and more lately. "Whatever." She says. "Let's go."

As it turns out, Eliza found us before we found her.

"Oh my gosh! Guys! You'll never guess what happened!" Eliza started talking in such a fast pace, I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Eliza!" Rosaline barks. "Slow down! What happened?"

"Me and Sirius! We're going out! Can you believe it? I mean, I was just about to give up on him! I was in the library, you know as usual, and he was in there and-"

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. As beautiful as Eliza was, she had never been Sirius's type. He'd always preferred the bimbo as to the smart girl. "They're too much to handle." He would say. Could he have matured? Or was this something else? "That's great!" Rosaline tells her. "I'm so happy for you." Rosaline squeals and grabs Eliza's hand, jumping up and down.

"Yeah." I say, trying to muster up enthusiasm . "Great."

**A/N Finally, chapter seven has arrived! Tell me what you think! **

**GG **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:.....I can't think of anything remotely interesting to put here....... **

"What do you think your doing?" I demand, pushing Sirius against a wall.

Sirius cocked his head to the side and put on a face of fake innocence. "Whatever do you mean?"

"Don't give me that!" I snap. "You know exactly what I mean!"

"Well, let's see...I'm dating one of your best friends, who I have no reason to even be talking to, that know I will probably just end up hurting in the end." His eyes narrow. "You saying that is wrong would be a little hypocritical, Bellatrix."

"No! I actually like-" Then something came into my head that until now I'd pushed out of my mind.

Sirius smirked. "I see Cissy passed on the information, a 'certain somebody' informed her on."

"That was you?" I fell the loathing start to bubble inside my stomach.

Sirius shrugged. "Someone needed to tell you. Besides, you needed to end this thing with Benjy before it got out of-"

"Who said I'm ending anything with Benjy?"

"hand- What do you mean?" Sirius's brow furrowed. "He's a muggleborn! Of course your ending it with him!"

"No." I say stubbornly. "I'm not. I don't care that he's a muggleborn."

"What do you mean you don't care? Of course you care!"

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

And there we were, bickering as if we were six years old again. As with every insult hurled, my mind grew more and more sure of what was said. I don't care that Benjy is a muggle born. I really like him. And no one, not Narcissa, not Sirius, no one was going to change that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Bella, what's-"

Before he even finished his question I pressed my lips against his. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer, as if this was nothing new, as if he had expected me to do this. He ran his hands through my ringlets, sending chills through my back. The good kind of chills, the kind you get when you hear a good song, or read a good book. Except this was better, much better.

When I finally drew back, I looked up to see him smiling.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend, officially, I mean?"

I nod. "Yes, I'd love to be."

******

"Why weren't you at dinner?" Rosaline demanded.

"I was busy." I reply nonchalantly.

"Obviously." She says, noting my swollen lips.

"Look, I've got to go work on a Potions essay. I'll see you later."

"Do you know what tonight is?"

"Uh, Wednesday?"

Rosaline raises an eyebrow, as if this was supposed to mean something. When I don't answer she sighs and says, "We always sneak out on the first Wednesday of every month, and steal cupcakes from the kitchen. Remember?"

"I can't, Rosaline. I've got an essay to-"

"God! It's like I don't even know you any more! All these trips to the 'library', you hanging out wit those Gryffindors, and now _this!_"

"Come on! It's one night!"

"One night? You don't honestly think that's what this is about, do you? Do you think I don't know what you've been snogging that boy all night? And you didn't even tell me, Bella! We used to tell each other, everything! Everything!" She yelled, but it wasn't sadness in her voice, it was anger.

"Rosaline-"

"No, Bella! I don't want to hear it. I'm going to bed."

"I can put off the essay, let's go-"

"I don't want to. I'm going to bed."

****

Rosaline was the first Slytherin friend I lost. She happened to be the only one I cared about loosing. She'd been my best friend for as long as I could remember. But I found that the more time I spent with Benjy, and even Frank once I got used to him, the less I cared about what the Slytherins thought.

******

"No, you put the rat whiskers in _after _the the slugs." Frank corrected me one day in potions. "If you would have done that essay last week instead of bribing Eliza to do it for you-"

"Watch the cauldron!" I bark at him as orange liquid starts to ooze out of the top.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Told you it was slugs first." I mumble.

Frank rolls his eyes. It would definitely be safe to say we have a love-hate relationship. Though in only a week I had come to like Frank, we still fought constantly.

I felt someone tug one of my ringlets. "Be nice." Benjy whispered, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. He was working with Peter Pettegriw in the row behind us.

"You know, the next Hogsmade trip is coming up soon." Frank tells me.

"Yeah, I remember. This Saturday, right?"

"Yeah. So, uh, are you coming with us?"

"I was planning on it, if that's okay with you." I reply nervously.

"Yeah! It's fine."

"Good! I'm,er, looking forward to it."

There was an awkward silence.

"I heard about you and Rosaline."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better, I never liked her anyway."

I laugh. "It's a good effort. By the way, has Sirius mentioned anything about Eliza?"

Frank frowns. "Why would Sirius talk about Eliza?"

Anger fills my body at a rapid pace. "'Cause he's a stupid scum-bag git! That's why!"

"Er, okay? As much as your cousin rivalry fascinates me, I'm not going to respond to that." I ignore Frank, and let my eyes wonder to where Sirius is sitting. He's with that Potter guy( no surprise there). He leans over to Potter and whispers something in his ear, making him laugh so hard he knocks he cauldron over, spilling it's contents on the poor girl behind her.

"He sickens me." I hiss. Frank shakes his head.

"What did he do? Torture you?"

"To the point of insanity."

"Please," Frank says with a roll of his eyes. "That's not even possible."

**You know what, Frank. I never liked Rosaline either. Actually, I had originally planned it to be Eliza that goes haywire, but that changed. Please review!! It will make my day!!!! **

**GG**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: None of this is mine. But, oh, I wish it was.....**

"_Blood traitor._" Someone hissed in my ear. I spun around to see Severus Snape, a sneer painted on his face.

"What did you say?" I demanded.

"You heard me!" he laughed. "You know what you are now that you're hanging out with that mudblood."

"I am not a-"

"What, I wonder, would you're poor mother think, when she finds out her precious daughter has turned into such fil-"

"_Levicorpus!" _

"Put me down!" Snape yelled, dangling from one ankle. "Now!"

"What are you going to do? Tell my Mum, did you say? It'd be your word against mine, Snape. Who do you think would win?"

"I said put me-"

"Down. Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time."

"You better now! You'll be sorry!"

I tipped my head back and laughed. "What can _you _possibly do to _me_?"

"I tell them! I'll tell them all about your little friend! That mudblood will be dead in a heartbeat!"

I freeze. "You wouldn't."

Snape laughed. "Oh,yes, I would. And it would be brutal. Just thinking about the _hours _of torture before they would finally grant him his death-"

"Shut up!" I took a deep breath. "You're not so innocent yourself."

"-it would be positively- What are you talking about?" Severus demanded.

"Lily Evans." I breathed. "If you told them I-I'd do the same. I'd have her dead."

The boy stared at me, his mouth agape. I lowered him to the ground. "I don't believe you." He whispered. "Not you...you don't...no. You don't care about him that much."

Hadn't I been over this before? It seemed like I was always being tested, _Do you really care about him?_ That seems to be thew question of the week. He had a point, though. Did I care about him _that_ much? Enough to put an innocent person's life to an end? One I knew, one in my classes. But I wanted to. I wanted to love him that much. Did that even make since? _Wanting _to love someone. I know if given time I could...

"Yes, I do. I would. So, back off." I snarled, though it's not completely true. I push past him, and take off at a run to the lake, where I always seem to find Benjy.

"What's the rush?" Benjy asked as I slid, panting slightly, to a halt beside him.

"I want to know something."

Benjy frowned a little. "It would help me if I knew what that thing was."

"Does the Order of the Phoenix, do they, kill people?

"Bella, you're not going to get killed! I promise no matter what-"

"No, no. I mean do they- are they like the Death Eaters? Do they seek out people, you know, if they don't like, or agree with-"

"No. We're not like that."

"We're? So your one of them?" I asked.

"Well...yeah. I am. Are you....interested? Bella! You want to be in the Order!"

"What? No, Benjy-"

"That's great! You'll be so useful! We'll have inside spies! We can get right inside the heart of them! This is great I can't wait to tell-"

"NO!"

"Fran-oh. Sorry, I was just excited."

"I'm sorry I can't be your spy, or pawn, or whatever."

"Oh, God. No, that's not what I-"

"Yes," I say. "It was."

Benjy doesn't say anything for a minute. "I'm very passionate about this war. Very, _very _passionate. We could really use you."

"No."

"Bella, just try to understand-"

"Let me explain this. I will not now, nor will I ever, join the Order of the Phoenix."

"But it's what's right."

"For you, maybe it is. Maybe for you it's all that matters, but not me."

"Not for you? This is what should be important for _everyone_!"

"Well, I guess I'm not everyone. "

For the first time a saw something flash over Benjy's face that for a second I didn't recognize. Anger. "Look. maybe you guys have the right idea-"

"Maybe?"

"-but I don't want any part of this war. I"m staying out of it all together."

"A neutralist."

"Yes! Exactly!"

"The worst of them all."

"I- what?"

"_Neutralists_," He sneered. "A bunch of do-nothings. I'd rather a Death Eater."

"Fine then!" I screeched. "I'll be a bloody Death Eater!"

"No-" Benjy sighed. "What was the question for anyway?"

"I-oh. Nothing, I was just curious."

Benjy sighed again and wraped his arm around my waste. "Let's go get lunch."

I nodded and walked with him, knowing the fight was far from over.

**A/N I"m back! Yay! I missed FF so much! And there we have it. Chapter nine! Woo! Please, please, please review! That's you. Yes, you. PLEASE!!!! **

**GG**


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